So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
