So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
