and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we're making bets on your personal life
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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