PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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