how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
