I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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