I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
