All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
