Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
