I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
