Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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