I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
