What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Two words: blizzard sex
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
