You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
