im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
May the power of my ass compel you!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
