I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
