bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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