Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
