Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
