we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
