I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
