Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
