There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
