how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
