we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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