Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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