idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
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I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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