sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
