He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
COCAINE IS GR8
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
