i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
