Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Less talking, more tequila
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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