why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
