if i can run in heels then i can drive
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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