Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
