i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
