I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
