dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
