OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How does one acquire holy water?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
