I wish I only lived at night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
