I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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