no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
