theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
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no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
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Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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