My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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