So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
