There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
