C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
