Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Randomize
