How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
