i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
