Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
