peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
