So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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