So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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