he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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