I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
