I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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