That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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