I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
