so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
