i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
