look no pants
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
