Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
