So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
