i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i've created a new STD.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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