you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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