I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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